He's Tainted!

I am very preturbed today! (Hopefully I used that word properly) Anyways there is this really nice guy that I work with and everyone thinks he is really cool. He is good looking, has a college degree, is a hardworker, and overall a really nice guy. So I found out the company slut (who won't be named) has sunk her teeth into him!!! I am so upset about this because a. he can do ten times better and b. she taints every guy she lays her hands on, a real man-eater if you know what I mean. She has tried to get people fired, lied to cover her ass, and basically whored around with most of the people at work. It just sucks that she is ruining all the nice people : (

I guess I just had to vent because I thought this kid was smarter than this!

Otherwise, the pregnancy is going well. I have the super smell, sore boobies, and a little queasy, but overall still feeling good. I had some pancakes and bacon for dinner and it totally hit the spot! I might even make an omelet tomorrow for lunch with fresh salsa and mexican blend cheese!

My Guardian Angel

This may be a little late coming but wanted to post it anyways.

I wanted to share my guardian angel with everyone. It was a gift from my wonderful friends and the girls from my September mommies group, Jen, Julie, and Kelly. This was sent to me at the time of Amaris' birthday with a beautiful little letter as well. I would like to think that it symbolizes Amaris and the fact that she is our angel, always watching over Matt, our growing baby, and myself. I leave it hung on the lamp by my bed so that she can watch over us when we sleep.

I just wanted to thank Jen, Julie, and Kelly for their gift and the meaning behind it. It gives me great comfort when I see those wings because I know that though my baby is not here on earth, she is here in heaven and she is always watching over us, because that is what angels do. I love you three as you were my sisters or friends I have known all my life, because it feels like that is the truth. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have you guys here to talk to when I couldn't even talk to the people I had around me. Sometimes it is easiest to talk to people who know where your coming from and I knew I had that with you guys. We were all pregnant together, we went through our major milestones together, and I think we all knew that if it happened to someone else, we would all be there for each other. Thats what friends do for each other, and most importantly thats what family does for each other. I feel in you guys I have gained family members, I love you all so much and am so glad that we stumbled upon each other in the beginnings of our pregnancies.

6 WEEKS!

I am six weeks today, well it is after midnight. I am feeling good too, so far so good. I haven't had too much nausea, just a little stomach uneasiness once and while. Now with my luck I will get wretched morning sickness first thing tomorrow morning. Eh, as long as baby is healthy I will put up with it.

On another note, I am really curious if there is one baby or two. Ever since I had that multiples dream I am really wondering. I understand that with fraternal twins there tends to be correlation between fraternal twins and family history, but with identical twins everyone has the same chance of having twins. So I wonder, is there more than one in there?? It would certainly account for my growing belly and weight gain, but then that may also be attributed to my increased caloric intake and my daily craving of Reese's Peanut Butter Creme Pie...?

All in all, I feel great and am hoping the weekend comes nice and quick.

Oh, I also found a website online where you can evaluate other sites for money. So far I have 27 bucks in my balance, but if I can make an extra 200-300 a month I will be extremely happy!!

Lots and lots of rest!

This weekend was filled with lots and lots of rest! I just relaxed and watched lots of movies. Also got another belly pic!

Heres is my belly picture for the week! This is 5 weeks 4 days pregnant. I really like this one and the way Matt caught it with the sun coming in. This might be my new belly picture spot! As you can see I am already getting bigger, part bloat, part baby, but mostly bloat. It's cool though, it comes with the territory.

On another note, I need to get a doctors note stating that I can't workout pregnant so that I can cancel my gym membership. I am sure I can pull that one pretty easily, especially since I work at the hospital.

So I figured I would also post some new pics of my other baby, Riley!

4,887

That was my hcg, 4,887! That is awesome, I am so psyched. That decreased my doubling time to 45.25 hours! I thought as your numbers went up, your doubling time went up as well, but mine has dropped by 7 hours! Awesome. Maybe there is more than one...that would certainly be interesting...anyways.

I saw Dr. Carlson today. He was at Riddle, he fills in on occasion in perinatology and I caught him by chance. I told him my first two hcg's and he said they were completely normal and I told him I would be seeing him on the 15th. I really like him, he is a nice guy and really seems to care about his patients. I am excited to have him as my doctor throughout this pregnancy and hopefully he will let me have a VBAC, or at least try.

I am starting to get excited... : )

Chat with the Paralegal

I emailed with Karen today. She is the paralegal who works for our attorney Robert Sachs of Shrager, Spivey, and Sachs. (You know he is good if his name is a part of the title of the law firm ; ) ) They are sending our file to an expert in Texas that is very well educated in hydramnious and seeing as I had polyhydramnious, I am thinking it is a good idea. I guess they think we have something because why take the time and spend the money to have an "expert" review our case if they thought our suit was frivolous. Just a thought.

In reading this I guess I should give some background info on why an attorney is looking into a case. I will give the short version. Basically when I was pregnant with Amaris my doctor neglected to listen to my concerns and observe the clinical signs that were presenting that indicated a possible problem with Amaris. This lead to me being hospitalized and our daughter being delivered nine weeks early. She lived for 3 1/2 weeks and passed away on August 9 '06. I feel our situation needs to be investigated because I feel my doctor did not listen to what I had to say in terms of fears and bad feelings and if she would have acted more swiftly, it may have saved her life. I also realize it may not have saved her life, but when you have a patient presenting with sudden weight gain, measuring 4 1/2 weeks larger than I was, and then a few days later not urinating, you do something. You don't tell her "you're fine" "it is probably nothing" If she would have got me a stat ultrasound the day things were "off" it could have saved her, and the important part of that sentence is "could have" because in my books those odds were much greater than the ones she had when I was admitted four days later.

On a more upbeat note: I am feeling better today. More confident, more trusting, more faithful in knowing that I am doing all that I can to ensure a happy and healthy pregnancy and that things are in the Lord's hands. I know that whatever happens, happens for a reason and we will always have each other and that is a start.

I was hurting...

The pelvic pain returned! It isn't horrible, more annoying and worrysome. I am curious though what is causing it. After doing my online research I have come to terms with the fact that it is probably because of my scar tissue from my prior section. As my uterus is getting bigger, it is pulling on the scar tissue causing the pelvic pain. It is right below my outer incision site so it makes sense. Plus if it was ectopic, it would still be a little early to be feeling pain associated with a tubal. I guess doing research online can definitely be toxic because it puts scary thoughts in ones head. I guess that is it for now, most of my day was spent eating and sleeping.

Wretched morning sickness!

Ok, I am almost positive the morning sickness is kicking in today. My stomach has been uneasy for the most of the day. The only time I don't feel sick is when I am eating, but then I can't eat ALL day, I can eat frequently but not non-stop or I will be gaining the majority of my prenancy weight in the first few weeks.

So I think in a few weeks, probably after my first appointment and ultrasound, I will be getting a doppler to listen to the baby. Jen suggested babybeat.com and seeing as it is only 20 bucks a month, I definitely think it is my best bet! It will be awesome to be able to hear the baby whenever I feel like it! It will also be good to be able to keep an eye and ear out for any potential problems.

So I have off and I love being able to lounge around and just relax, I could definitely get used to this!

All them smokers : (

So Matt and I went to a party today and everyone was smoking. When I say everyone, I mean everyone, including the 11 week pregnant girl as well. That really pissed me off. I heard her talking with another chick about needing to get bigger clothes and when she first came in I saw her hand on her belly. So I asked her if she was pregnant and she was, but we didn't talk much, she wasn't very nice. So about 20 minutes later I see her smoking a cigarette, I was irritated but didn't say anything. Then her boyfriend was smoking and I see her waving it out of her area and I think, "you just inhaled that shit into your lungs, why does it matter if you breathe it in now. Whatever, people are going to do what they want, regardless of what others think or say.

At least some of the other guests were a little nicer and stood downwind from me so I wouldn't have to inhale it. I don't want to take ANY chances this time around. I have already experienced a devastating loss and definitely don't want to repeat that again if I can help it. I also got a new book, "I'm Pregnant: A week-by-week guide from conception to birth." I like it because of all the neat pictures of the developing baby and want not. Pretty neat!

I was good today! I had two salads, lots and lots of baby spinach. Plenty of folic acid!

I just posted but...

I just had a question. Is it bad of me to be happy about this pregnancy when it has only been a year since Amaris? I want to be happy, but I am scared that I will start to forget things about my first baby, the one with whom I first experienced the joys of pregnancy and the realities of parenthood.

I wonder, how do you find that balance between happiness for this child but remembrance for my first?

Feeling a bit better today!

Ok, so I decided to post a belly pic! Granted you can't see much of anything, but I want to document it all. Here is a picture at 3 weeks 3 days, only a week after conception. I thought I was getting Matt to take a picture of my newly forming abs, but now I guess it can double as an early pregnancy picture! Here is my four week belly picture at 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Still not much of anything but seeing as the baby is the size of a pin head, I wouldn't expect to see much. I do have a little chub coming back, but I am going to consider it due to the fact that I stopped dieting and not from a baby.

So I still can't believe I am pregnant. I read in a little pregnancy book that men have about 500 million sperm per ejaculation and only approximately 100-200 actually reach the egg. If that is the case than I guess only one sperm reached my egg because I must have gotten pregnant from either precum or he didn't pull out all the way in enough time and there was a little bit left. Either way, it is a fluke that I got pregnant, but then when I look back, it was a fluke that Amaris got sick to begin with so I am thinking someone upstairs helped me get pregnant, because any other explanation still leaves me bewildered. Okay, look at it this way, there is a 1 in 5 chance of getting pregnant each month, when someone is trying, so what are the odds of a withdrawal baby??

On another note, I saw the movie Hairspray tonite. I actually liked it!! I have always been a fan of musicals and seeing John Travolta in a dress and fat suit was just the cherry on top! I can't believe I used to like him back when I was a wee one, but I have to admit, he was a hunk back in his Grease days and the movie Phenomenon does make me cry. I guess I will always have a soft spot for the JT, even if he is a scientologist ; )

I also talked to Matt today. I think he is going to actively try to make some changes in his life. I basically told him that I was not going to raise our child in an environment in which I don't feel that he/she is safe and that if he doesn't get on the ball than I will move out and do this alone. I have already experienced the pain associated with losing a child and I will not subject myself to worrying whether or not he will be safe to have a baby around. On another note, he was invited to a party tonite and he didn't go, so that's a plus. He also has softball tomorrow so I may go and watch. I like his softball buddies, they are all from AA and sober, so they are a good influence on him and hopefully Matt will realize that alcohol does nothing positive for him and he will return to a sober lifestyle. I guess it is a wait and see.

Very, very, frustrated...

Matt was absolutely ridiculous tonite. I called him while I was at work around 10:30 and he was out but told me he wasn't going to drink. Then he calls me to pick him up around 11:45 and he is absolutely wasted. How do you get that drunk in an hour and fifteen minutes. Then I tell him to sleep upstairs and he tries to sleep down with me and starts ranting about random bullshit. Then he ripped the blanket off the bed through it, knocked over an open soda can that spilled on my school paperwork and then tried to throw a pillow at the nine hundred dollar flat screen I bought at Christmas. I now have the door barcaded to keep him from coming down here and trying to destroy our stuff. Its me and baby or his current lifestyle: if he picks himself I know I am better of doing this alone. I don't need to take care of two babies.

So basically tomorrow I am giving Matt an ultimatum. He needs to get his act together or I'm done. I cannot have a repeat of last pregnancy. He was out late all the time, always drinking, never had a steady job, and I can't deal with that. I will move in with my dad and do it alone because I will not raise this child around behavior like that.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind if he goes out with his friends or drinks on occasion, but not what he is doing now. He thinks he is in college or something, but he isn't, he is 23 years old with a baby on the way and he needs to start acting like a responsible parent, not a drunken frat boy.

I just need him to step up and take responsibility because granted I allowed him to have unprotected sex with me, but he is the one who couldn't pull out in time. He should at least take responsibility for that and starting taking his job more seriously as well as his life because frankly this is his life and parenthood is gonna kick him in the ass in 8 months and he better be a bit more prepared for it the second time around because I am not going to be supporting three people, I don't make enough money.

On a more positive note, my second beta was 340 which averaged a doubling time of 52.5 hours, which is within the normal range considering how far I am pregnant. So yay for good results and lets hope for a healthy and happy baby!

First time blogging!

So this is my first time blogging but thought it would be wonderful to have as a memento of this pregnancy. Last time around I was cheated in so many ways and this time I want to have things down on type so that I can read it and reread it as my child grows and on the inside I will be smiling as I recover those lost memories that have faded over time.

I guess I should give a quick recap of what has happened so far this week. On Monday I found out I was pregnant! BIG SURPRISE! I was having some funny pelvic pain and thought it was a cyst, but I wanted to rule out pregnancy before I called my doctor. It is obvious to state that I did not see that one coming and though I am scared and in shock, I am still excited on the inside. Not too excited, yet, but it's growing. It just doesn't feel real yet. I don't have too many symptoms yet so it is still hard to believe. I know that over time things will get better, but it is hard to ignore the fears that there may be a repeat of last year. I have decided though to leave it in God's hands. I can do all I can to ensure a healthy pregnancy but at the end of the day I know it is ultimately out of my control.

On Tuesday the pelvic pain got worst and I was also getting some yucky nausea. I was seen in the ER and though the ultrasound did not show signs of a pregnancy, my hcg was at 191 and my cervix was closed. Dr. M wanted me to get a repeat beta hcg to watch it double. He thought it was low but I think he read the chart wrong because my level is within the normal range for how far along I was (14 dpo on Tuesday) and the numbers vary so much that it isn't the numbere that is important but the amount of time it takes to double. I also called my OB and have an appointment on August 15, where I will also get an ultrasound! How exciting!

On Wednesday the fatigue started to kick in. My sense of smell is also slightly heightened as well. We went to the Giant and I could smell the bakery and cinnamon sugar before I was even through the double doors. Other than that, work was pretty uneventful.

Today, Thursday, I got my second beta hcg and I will get the results tomorrow. I was really tired today as well. I guess that is my body saying "yes this baby is growing, yes I am doing my job!"

On another note, telling our parents was certainly fun! My dad seems to be the most understanding of the three. I think that after a few weeks they will be better with it. It is just scary to think another baby is coming after all the tragic events with Amaris, but I just know she had a hand in this. I really think she did pick her little brother or sister and helped make mommy pregnant as a present from her on her birthday. My little girl is so selfless, giving gifts on her own birthday. Oh how I miss her, but I do know that I will be able to see her in this baby and know that this baby will always be a part of her and that brings me comfort. I just hope they learn to deal with it sooner than later because we were going to raise a child in the first place and the should understand that this is our family and we will handle it.

Well I guess that is all for now! Only one more day until the five day weekend. We are going to start cleaning out the basement sooner than later while I am still lean and fit enough to do so.