Man, so much to catch up on!

I have been gone for a week on vacation and I guess I have a lot to update on.

We left for Lake George on Friday night and got there at 7 am on Saturday. It was cool all week and we only had one really good day on Tuesday. We got to do lots of stuff throughout the week, we hiked to Wing Pond, took the boat out, let Riley swim for the first time, and played mini-golf a lot. All in all it was a really good time. I was glad to let Riley spend the whole week romping and playing in the woods and just being a real puppy!

I wish it would have lasted longer though, but on a less positive note, his grandparents did not know we were pregnant and it wasn't much fun "pretending" for the whole time.

Then of course I come home and their is all this stuff happening at EB and I am really upset. We boast that we are nothing like BS and that we are such a wonderful community with wonderful friendships and now it is all falling apart over something I have no idea about. I just hope things work ou because I can not imagine our little community with some of the girls gone. I guess that is just life...

As for the preggo-ness, I have my nuchal scan and appointment on September 14th, and I have to go in Tuesday, the 28th, to do another urine sample to rule out a UTI.

Oh, forgot to mention that school starts tomorrow...I have to get my books, but I think I will be in for a hectic next couple of months with school, work, and growing a human being.

Edited to add: I had to put in my weekly belly pictures!

Here is a shot at 8 weeks 6 days while at the mini-golf course!

Here is my belly at nine weeks in front of the beautiful Lake George!

Lastly, a picture of my "future" belly with the gap belly pillow!

There IS a baby!

I had my first appointment today. Of course I got no sleep last night. I finally fell asleep at around 2 am, up at 4 am to use the bathroom, back asleep at 5:30 and up at 7:30. Not much sleep at all. Then I get up to take a shower, I don't want coochie stank and hairy legs on my first appointment!

So of course Matt was difficult to get out of bed, but at 8:05 (twenty minutes after we planned to leave) he finally got up and brushed his teeth and we left at 8:15. About half way there I started having my hunger nausea and made Matt go through McDonald's drivethrough. I got me a tasty hashbrown and a bacon, egg, and cheese on a bisquit, top it off with some OJ and I am good to go!

Of course, we are really running late now and I call the office to let them know we were stuck in traffic. So after stressing and stressing we finally get within five minutes and to our surprise, we get pulled over! Damn expired inspection! Luckily the cop was nice and let us off with a warning, either he felt bad or saw me bawling in the passenger seat. I couldn't stop crying, I was nervous they were going to make me reschedule or find another doctor or something bad.

We finally get to the appointment and I give my history to the doc. Talk about my betas, my due date (which is March 25), and my birth options. Tentatively, we are going to go with a VBAC. They can't give me anything to make labor progress (significantly increases risk of uterine rupture) so if I don't go into labor naturally or progress on my own I would still have to have a c-section. If we just go with the planned section than he said we would deliver on March 18 (maybe we can go a day sooner and have a St. Patty's Day baby!) I am still trying to decide if I will go with the section or vaginal delivery, the issue with the vaginal though is that there is a 1% risk of rupture so I have not fully decided.

Then we went in for the ultrasound. It was awesome! We could see a little kidney bean shaped white blur with a little black circle in the middle and this beautiful, wonderful, fantastic black circle was a perfectly pumping heart! The heartrate was 167 beats per minute, a normal rate for the baby's gestational age. He even printed us some pictures! That is what I really like about Dr. Carlson, he always gives plenty of pictures and is so very nice and considerate.

Next I had my pelvic and he checked my breasts for lumps. I won't go into much detail, but to say that Matt got a few funny looks from me during this period : )

Afterwards I gave my urine sample and got my blood drawn for the normal pregnancy blood tests as well as the HIV and the cystic fibrosis screen. (I know I don't have HIV, but it is always good to be 100%)

Lastly I went to an occupational health center to do my drug screen for nursing school and to school to drop off my paperwork. And with the mention of school I have to say that I cannot believe that I will be starting clinicals in a week and half! Crazy, but exciting at the same time. I can't wait to graduate and actually do something with my life than work the same boring job day in and day out.

Now, I am extremely tired and working on 4 hours, but I had to update because I really want this pregnancy on record and want to have something the baby can read when he/she is all grown up.

Tomorrow!

I have my first appointment!! The nurse on the phone said I will get the ultrasound the same day because of my early pelvic pain so she better not change her mind! I can't wait to see that little baby, I am getting so excited thinking about it! Only 20 hours until my appointment! Woohoo!

Okay, now that I have that out of my system, I need to get it down. I threw up last night. At 1 AM I tossed my cookies, multiple times. It was horrible, but I totally felt better afterwards. Though it sucks, at least it gives me comfort that my hormones are still up and pumping. I can't wait until the second trimester, the honeymoon phase!

New Belly Pics!

So I have come today to update with new belly pics. I look more like a pork roll than a pregnant girl, but I gotta work with what I got.

7 Weeks and 4 days. ( I think you can tell I just ate :)

7 Weeks and 5 days. First thing in the morning!

Overall, I am feeling good. Still haven't got full-fledged morning sickness, so I will count that as a blessing! Most of the extreme fatigue has subsided as well. I know some people get a little nervous when symptoms diminish, but I feel cool and confident. The only annoying side effects that I have of pregnancy are the food aversions and cravings and frequent urination. Well I guess thats about it, I am off to get a little something to eat.

I also wanted to add that we went mini-golfing last night and it was fun. Then topped it off with some Rita's Water Ice and it was a perfect day!

August 9th.

Today is a sad day. One year ago today, at 2:32 pm, my little girl Amaris Grace took her last breath. It is unimaginable to watch your child's last moments on earth and it is both overwhelming and heart-breaking. You wonder, why is it that I couldn't do anything to prevent this? In most situations the parents couldn't have done anything, it is what God wanted, but than there are other times that something may have been done.

With Amaris, I think something could have been done. I could have told my doctor F*** You, and went elsewhere. I could have told her to open her eyes, something is not right here, do something! But no, I did what most patients did, I took my doctor's words for fact.

Now what I am really getting at is this. I know in my heart that I am not the reason Amaris got sick and I also know that if they did catch it sooner, she could have still passed away, but what I don't know is what if? What if we did catch it, could she have lived with a good quality of life? What if I went to the ER, would they have rushed me to a delivery? What if, is not useful, because it fills your head with doubt and worry and most of all blame, it fills your head with thoughts that are telling you that YOU should have known and YOU should have listened to your insinct when in reality YOU were just listening to what your doctor was telling you.

What I suggest for anyone who visits a doctor for anything, whether it be for a mole removal or pregnacy, a sinus infection or chest pain. Trust your instinct. We are given an instinct for a reason, and to not use it would be an insult against our biological make-ups. If you think anything is wrong, like I did, push for an answer, push for the tests, and make your doctor listen. It is not that big of an inconvenience to them to order that extra test or see you five extra minutes, they will still be paid for it, and if they save someones life, it is a bonus. Worst case, they find something wrong, but they have more time to try and make it right. Best case, your fine, and they can talk about you to your colleagues when your not around. I know in my situation, with my daughter, I would have rather them squeeze me into ultrasound that day, and if it was nothing, they could laugh at me all they want.

Seven Weeks!

I am seven weeks! Today it actually hit me: I am having a baby!!! I feel good and I am confident, I love it. I let the worry just float away and I feel good. I am not constantly panicking if this pain is all right and if that twinge is bad. When I do feel funny I take a step back and realize what is the most likely cause, not the worst case scenario. The nausea has been getting more persistent though, it is constantly around dinner, probably from around 4 - 6:30 and then I start to feel better. Two and half hours out of twenty four ain't bad!! Plus those preggie pops really do make me feel better!

I am also getting excited because we are going to Lake George on the 19th, after Matt's softball playoff game. It will be nice to bring the doggies up and to take Riley for her first lake swim. We are going to go to the black hole. It is this really neat natural wonder in this little creek. A long time ago a pebble burrowed into a rock and created this natural jacuzzi. I won't be climbing in there but there are all these flat rocks that will be nice to picnic on. We are also going to go to Log Bay. We will park the boat and take a nice little walk in the woods to this really cool waterfall. I won't be able to go waterskiing or cliff jump, but I will do some fun things!

I just am so excited in general, I don't know how else to explain. I have my appointment next week, then I have a week of vacation, and then back to school!! I am really excited for school, I am looking forward to getting my clinicals. I also have to go and get my drug test and send in all the paperwork by the 15th!

Oh, I wanted to put in another side note. I got an email from Karen, the paralegal. They got a hold of the expert in TX, but she wouldn't be able to review our records until Oct-Nov, so they are searching for another expert. I really think we have a case because I honestly don't believe that they would be going through all of this effort if we didn't. Plus it seems like they are trying to get a roll on things because frankly October is not that far away, but they want someone to check it sooner. I really think they are going to take my old doctor to court, why spend all the time, effort, and money (and it is all out of their pocket unless we win) to pursue a case if it didn't have merit and a good chance of winning. Just a thought...

Riley and the Baby!

Just had to post a pic of Riley and the baby. I love this pup!

Ten Days...

Until I see the little baby!! I am so excited! On August 15th I will have my first appointment and will get to see the baby and a little heart beat. It's crazy! Last time it wasn't until 17 weeks that I got to see the baby and not until 11 weeks that I got to hear a heartbeat. Now I will get to see the baby sooner and more often, very exciting!

Now I need to start making a list of questions for the doctor. I don't have much yet, but I figure I can come back and update as more questions come to mind.

~ What will be our care plan over the next seven and a half months and what additional procedures will be included in my prenatal care due to high risk pregnancy?

~ What is the chances of Amaris' condition occuring again and what will we do to minimize those chances?

~ Will I be able to have a natural delivery after having a cesarean?

~ If I was to have a natural delivery, would I have to be induced or would I be allowed to go into labor naturally?

~ How many people can I have during the delivery?

~ What is the hospitals policy on birth plans?

~ Where can I find more information about the hospitals L & D ward and where can I find out information about birth classes, hospital tours, etc.

I guess that is all I have so far, but I am sure I will come across more as time goes on! Oh, and if anyone has any question suggestions, well I am all ears!

Souper!

Okay, I know my title was corny, but it works! I made my chicken and lime tortilla soup today and it was amazing. I have been craving it since Wednesday and seeing as it was finally the weekend I was actually able to whip it up. I have to get some small containers though, I promised to bring some into work for some of the girls. They won't be big containers though, like a 10 oz cup or something in the vicinity. I actually can't wait until I am hungry again so that I can have some more.

And man have I been moody! All those hormones are kicking my ass. Matt said my new name is Turtle because I keep snapping. I don't like the name Turtle, turtles seem dumpy and they have to carry there home around on their backs. Talk about a pain in the ass...

I still haven't gotten full out morning sickness. I will take it as a blessing but sure hope it isn't a sign of something bad, but then I haven't had any pain or bleeding so I guess everything is right as rain in there. Oh and talking about down there, I have a new belly picture!

Here is my 6 weeks and 4 days belly picture. I am definitely getting a little bloaty from what I can tell! It is a little fuzzy, but I like it! I think I will do all my pictures here to get the good lighting.

I guess that is it! I am off to watch some Hot Fuzz!

Work Sucks!

I am so pissed at my boss tonite. He left Sue and myself high and dry tonite, having the two of us take care of all ER patients, ER paperwork, and all the admissions related work in the hospital. I really kicked my ass today. Also, all the patients were complete jerks or complete wackos, they were mostly rude and obnoxious. Even worse, I didn't even get to eat dinner. I went about 8 hours without eating and than was able to stuff a snickers down my throat in between patients. I am just glad that it is the weekend and I can sit on my ass for the next two days. I even went and got an Italian Hoagie from Wawa. I know I am not really supposed to have lunchmeat, but man was I hungry and I did not want to cook. I guess one sandwich can't hurt too much and I trust Wawa's staff that they clean there equipment and keep their food at safe temperatures.

A neat thing though, there was a girl and she was pregnant and got into a car accident. I am sure everything was fine, but the cool part was that she has the same due date as me. I think that is neat seeing as you can find people due in the same month but the exact same date is pretty cool!

A sad thing though, one of the girls we work with had her water break yesterday and I think she was only like 16-17 weeks pregnant. I don't think the outcome was good. Her daughter came to the ER and when I was getting the information from her, I offered to talk if she ever wanted to. I never got to spit it all out but told her that I know where she is coming from and that sometimes it helps to talk to someone who has experienced a similar loss. She wasn't in the mood today, but I thought I would throw it out there. My loss was horrible and I can never replace my Amaris, but if any good of it can come, than I will try my best to make it as much as possible. I just want to be able to lend an ear and be a person of comfort when handling a loss like that. Anything I can do to help.

Oh, lastly, I saw the Boondock Saints the other day. Loved it! Not only did it have an awesome story line, but man, two hot guys with Irish accents definitely make my night! Oh, I have provided something for the viewers pleasure below ; )

Honk in the name of love!

I just have to say that I love Scrubs. This was just shouted over my television and just thought it would be an awesome journal title!

So I have to say, Matt is getting a lot better. He has decided that he is going to stay sober! I love it! I think it is a great idea and just really think it will be in the best interest of our family. He is also doing some work for Chris this week, so he will have a couple extra bucks.

I just can't wait until he really gets going in the insurance industry. I really feel he has the potential, he just doesn't recognize it. Also, and he has said it himself, when he drinks he can feel his confidence slipping away. I am just glad he is taking strides to change his lifestyle to better prepare for our impending arrival. Oh, and he is going to be quitting smoking too!!!

I really do love him though. He may be a pain in the ass, but I do love him and am excited that we are having a baby again. I really think he will be a great dad, I just think he needs to work on himself in the meantime. I also think that it is awesome that there are a few guys on the team that are going to be dad's soon too. Two other guys on the team have women that are pregnant, and the cool part, we are all due within 6 weeks of each other. I really think there is something in the softball cooler and the other guys might want to bring their own water bottles ; )

I am just getting so excited. It is becoming real now and I love it (except for the minor boughts of nausea) I can't wait for my first appointment and to see that little blinky heartbeat, I know I will melt.